Sunny greetings from France! Surprise surprise, it’s been quite a summer. I’m still having some trouble knowing my boundaries, and apparently again failed in not passing them. I had a very interesting summer job this year, but keeping in mind that I had to drive 1h back and forth just to get to work and that all my friends lived 3h away and for that reason I basically had no life outside of work, I worked way too much. I should’ve just been able to say that I’m not up for such long workdays, but once again I failed in saying no. But hey, one lesson more passed! And I’m not here to complain. There’s a lot of other stuff in my mind right now, and mostly exciting stuff! I do however think that it’s really important to be open, and not just publish the shiny parts of one’s life. Of course everyone chooses for them selve’s and I understand that most people would rather keep their personal problems to themselve’s, but I’ve always been more about the openness since I keep hoping that one sharing their issues might be of help for someone else, so here’s what I shared on my personal instagram account some time ago;
Hey, not another smiley selfie with a lyric caption here (even tho I like those actually)! I’ll tell you two secrets. Firstly, lately I’ve been extremely unhappy – I haven’t felt as bad since being depressed. Secondly, as you might have guessed now, I’m also extremely good at fake smiles. Also thirdly but not a secret, instagram only allows certain lenghts for captions so please read the comments, I think it’s important ❤️ But while I don’t belive in complaining helping with anything, I don’t think it’s always a good idea to only focus on the good and keep on a bright face when things really aren’t going well. Despite some really lovely memories, this summer has been the worst one ever, and I’ve never felt this lonely in my life. I’ve been so unhappy that I didn’t want to go to sleep, and until recently I woke up almost every morning by drilling super early due to the renovations. I lock doors 6 times because I’m so exhausted that I can’t remember if I really locked it on the first 5 times. My mood’s been so low that I haven’t even been able to keep myself excited for the things that are about to come, even though I’ll be starting on my dream career very soon, which should’ve been enough to keep my head up high but instead I had almost every possible problem with that too. I’m already in advance missing everything and everyone so that obviously helps with feeling good eh. Almost everything that can go wrong (from speeding tickets to serving raw food) has gone wrong, and I’ve been on the edge of tears on average two times a day. Even the smallest things have been setting me off, cause I’ve had zero energy nor tolerance for anything bad. But hey, here I am with my fake smile, moving ahead. On a positive note I haven’t had panick attacks in over 6 months now and also I don’t think I’ll fall under depression, cause I do know (even if I don’t believe it) that better is going to come, I have amazing people around me and I also know where to get help if I need it (suomalaiset alottakaa vaikka osotteesta sekasin247.fi ❤️). I’m not writing this to get any pity points or to get anyone worried about me, I’ll take care of myself and I am doing that. Some of my friends have already heard more than enough of my complaints tho, and it has meant the world to me that they’ve listened. I was speaking with a great minded friend of mine, and she mentioned that it’s helpful to be open about things cause there’s often people going through the same stuff. So here I am first of all reminding you that not everything is what it seems (I haven’t been having a blast, I don’t only bake pretty cakes at work, I did not want to cut my hair but it got destroyed and partly fell off after a hairdresser’s accident 2 years ago and I’m just trying to make the most of it, it is not all fun and games moving abroad) and also that it’s okay not to be okay. You’re very likely not the only one feeling that way (no matter how I wish I was). Things will get better, I know I’m already heading to a good place. Hopefully you, likeminded person, will too 💛 While it’s very much okay not to be okay, it’s much more fun once you start getting towards being that.
Now I’m doing significantly better though. After writing that text, I lived two weeks with my grandparents (they started renovating our apartment so I we had to move out at the end of July) and that’s my favourite place in the whole world, so just that did some good. We also had a great girl’s weekend before moving out, I got to spend some more time with my cousins and other family, and finally quit my job. Then I took a rather spontaneous plane to France, where I’ve spent the past week with my boyfriend and his family in Provence. Oh boy it’s been good. First of all, the family is extremely sweet. The place was gorgeous. And it was perfect for getting your mind from all the past month’s stress. Now I actually feel like I might be ready for starting the next chapter of my life – my study years. I have one more very packed week in Finland, which I’ll spend packing everything and seeing my friends as much as possible. I’m really looking forward to that and also to actually getting to Maastricht! I’m still not quite sure what exactly is expecting me there, but I’m quite sure I’ll manage with whatever it may be. So here’s some good vibes for you too, in the form of photos from the beautiful Provence. Hope you’re having a great day! xx