As new characters come into my life, new perspectives follow. Something that I’ve been made aware of as of late, has been being in an open relationship. In one of my previous posts, I touched the subject of what marriage means to me. Coming to the conclusion that I am quite a traditional person and while I find it hard to reason getting married, for the right person, I may want nothing but that. Why I find it hard to reason this, is because I don’t know if I could commit to one person for the rest of my life, and promise them forever when I’m not even sure I believe in forever.
The past summer, guys have come and gone out of my place. Those whom I’ve found a connection with, ones I’ve been comfortable enough to allow them enter into my sacred safe haven. I don’t do one nighters, I need more than that. I need to know that I will be in touch with that person afterwards, that they know my name and I know theirs. So, there hasn’t been very many fellas but a selected few. We’ve had good times, I’ve enjoyed their company, some more than others. It’s been fun thus far.
However, I’ve not felt that I need the fun anymore. I need more than that. I am a passionate person, need a lot of love and affection. It seems that after so many months, I’d be ready for something more serious. I’m not going to go look for it as it doesn’t happen like that. When the person comes along that I’d be ready to commit again, I know I will stay committed to just that one person. Even with the few guys I’ve simply had fun with, I have a better connection with a few than the rest. Meaning that I get more attached to one person over the others. Which has made me realize that I wouldn’t be the type to cheat on anyone and I’d need monogamy, I don’t want to share the person whom I am in love with (once it gets to that point).
This kind of contradicts the way I think of marriage, that I don’t know how to promise to spend my lifetime together with just one person. Maybe there will come a time where I’d want to see if the grass is greener over the fence. We all get tempted at one point or another, there is nothing wrong with just looking.. it’s when you act upon it. There were temptations during my previous relationship, it is just human nature to find someone attractive. It’s absolutely normal, actually.
It’s up to you to make the arrangements of what kind of a relationship you want with your partner. If it would be okay to go have sex with someone else, without getting emotions involved but at the end of the day, your partner will always come first. The partner will be the one, who you’ll come home to and go to bed with. That is the definition of an open relationship. Each will have their own details regarding it but that’d be the basis of it.
I’ve come to realize that us humans we should just go with the flow and if you feel attraction towards the other person, and it feels good, go follow it. Without any judgment or fear. You’ll never know what will happen in the end, maybe that person will be the one who you’ll end up spending many years with. Does this not completely contradict the concept of being monogamous? I mean, if you’re committed to one person, you’re supposed to be with them and yet you choose to play with fire by enjoying someone else’s company but you do not want to share your partner with anyone else? Yeah, we definitely are selfish beings, that’s for sure.
I’m yet again being pushed out of my comfort zone here, though I don’t mind it. Relationships are fascinating. The way our minds work, fascinate me. I love to have different perspectives, which make me contemplate on my own views on the subject.
I suppose, I’ve moved on from having just fun. I’m ready for something deeper at this stage. I won’t go looking for it for I know it… he (or possibly she).. will find me when the time is right. I do not like rules, the only thing that I expect out of any relationship that I currently have in my life, is honesty and communication. I’m not a mind reader, though I can read the vibes/energy and body language quite well. I particularly don’t like it when someone decides for me what I’m capable of handling to hear, no matter what the situation is, I always rather know the truth. I will get more disappointed and annoyed when I’m kept in the dark, just because someone is trying not to hurt me. When I’m committed, I’m only committed to one person. I will tell them if there is something else going on, or if I’d be interested in someone else. It wouldn’t be for me to share the person I’m in a relationship with. I cannot make any promises to commit to that one particular person for forever but if it does feel right, there is a chance I may change my mind.
For the right person, things will feel right and easy, everything will happen at its own course. At its own time. There is no need to push anything to happen, just seeing where the moment will lead you and enjoying in the meanwhile. Even if you get too caught in your own thoughts at times, let them go, do not over-analyze the situation but just let it flow. Let it come as it does, naturally. You will find the answers you are seeking for, when the time is right. Timing is everything.