There’s one thing that really annoys me. It’s that people -still- seem to have a really hard time realizing that things aren’t always (read: almost never) as they seem. It might be better than it looks, or worse than it looks, or just different from what it looks. Or yeah maybe, in that one case, things seem like they actually are. But that doesn’t mean that they’re always that way. The person who I know the best is, well, me, so I’m the best example that I can use. Last summer I was working as an aupair while also studying for my finals. I absolutely loved it, but it wasn’t always easy with very long days and the finals constantly in the back of my mind. Yet I only posted happy photos of me smiling and traveling around whenever I got the chance (and that’s the one thing I’m good at, using time that isn’t even there, so of course it seemed like I was doing quite a bit of traveling), so my friends thought that I was having the time of my life. That they did get right, but where it went wrong was when they started teasing me about ”haha oh well I guess the stress is gone now” or ironically ”darn you’re working hard poor you haha, wanna switch?”. I mean, why would I post ugly selfies of me being dead tired or sad posts about me having no energy after a 16h day at work? I’d much rather focus on the amazing people and amazing experiences I got that very same day. Needless to say, that’s not the behavior of friends, so maybe I shouldn’t be friends with that kind of people. But nevertheless whether you’re friends or not, assuming things is always a bad idea.
This is usually also the start of arguments and gossip and all things bad, so making assumptions in general should always be avoided. But hey, we’re human. But if there’s one thing I could ask for, it’s that please don’t make assumptions about how people are doing. First of all, it’s mostly not your business. And secondly (even more important in my opinion), if it is your business meaning that you’re close with each other, don’t assume, ask. Again I’ll be self-centered and use myself as an example. Me being the terrible stresser I’ve always been, in the midst of my studies I’m fighting with stress, anxiety, and lately also depression. Yet if you look at my instagram feed or even at my behavior in public places, you’d think that I’m extremely happy. Yes, there’s snapchat where I’m a bit more honest, but I try not to splurge my bad mood there either (sorry for sometimes doing it, I know that I’m a bit too honest in snapchat but hey you’re my friends and I want to believe that you can just skip my my stories if you want to). Mostly because it never helps – wallowing in the bad mood only makes you feel worse. That’s why I use the fake smile sometimes. I fool people around me so they wouldn’t worry, and I fool myself so I would believe me when I say to myself that everything is fine. And yes, everything is fine. But on some days it’s harder to see than on others. And when I say harder, I mean impossible. My way to fight it is by being rather honest about it with at least one person (because hiding things doesn’t work either, especially when you’re in a place where you really worry about what you’re doing to yourself) and most importantly being happy about the good little things. I try to smile as much as I can, I try to laugh as much I can, I try to love as much as I can and I try to dance as much as I can. Those tips usually get me through the day. But sometimes, even if I’m making jokes and out loud admiring the gorgeous sunset and life in general, I might get home just to cry for hours. So, don’t assume how I’m doing. If you’re interested, ask me. I might still lie, but hey that’s my fault. But trust me that even asking makes me already feel a great deal better. And I say me, but I’m quite sure that I can talk for everyone.
My friends know me for asking ”how are you” a lot. I don’t always do it, but I try to. Because when I ask it, I really want to hear the response, and hopefully an honest one. Yes, we’re here to live for ourselves and we’re the ones that should be thought first when taking decisions (if you don’t live for yourself, then who’d do it?). But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t care about others. Stop the jealousity, stop the assumptions. Start asking how are you, and you realize that you might get a lot of those back.
P.S. I really know that everything is fine, and I know that I’ll be fine too. This is just on of my ways of coping whit it, I don’t mean to put my bad days on your shoulders. Hopefully you’re doing good as well. xx